


Crime and Caffeine

by juwules



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - Police, Awkward Caleb Widogast, Cat Cafés, F/F, Flirting, Fluff, Gen, I suck at titles, M/M, Mutual Pining, Police, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 08:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19330510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juwules/pseuds/juwules
Summary: Mollymauk expected the mayhem of transferring to the Trostenwald precinct. Chaos, after all, seemed to be his element.Developing a crush on the antsy, feline-loving café owner, on the other hand, was far from anything he had predicted.(a cop x cat café owner au nobody asked for which could have a better title if i'm being honest)





	1. The Neinth Precinct

**Author's Note:**

> Widowmauk is still my ride or die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, if you're seeing this chapter again, it's because I tweaked it a bit because indecisiveness is in my blood. 
> 
> To those who are just seeing this now, enjoy!

The shade of blue takes over his peripheral vision as it runs past him.

His eyes wander to follow the color to see a drow, now pinned to the pavement, a knee digging into their back and hands, firm, pushing them down.

"Bastard." The girl clad in various shades of cobalt growls as she tightens her hold on the back of the pinned man. "That fucking hurt."

She huffs, blowing away the hairs of her bangs from her face and turns her attention to Mollymauk, raising a pierced brow at the tiefling. The woman scans him, reads him, with a single glance.

"Detective Mollymauk Tealeaf." His showman smile on display.

A look of recognition at the sound of his name passes through her face before her brows knit back together. "Officer Beauregard Lionnet."  _ Oh _ . The corner of his smile twists on itself. He matches the name to the syllables that seemed to find home in his favorite aasimar's mouth as of late.

Beauregard brings the hands of the man underneath her together and cuffs him. "Follow me." With a grunt, she keeps her grip tight on the man as she stands and ushers Molly into the police station. With a kick, the front doors slam open; the staff unbothered by their entrance. She hands off the cuffed criminal to another passing officer and decides to take up the duty of showing Molly around, attaching names to the calmly frantic individuals slithering about the department and runs him down on the precinct. "This is the ninth precinct of Trostenwald. Not much happens except for the usual pickpockets and drug raids." Beau nods to a couple of lined up men being put into cells. "Not sure if Yasha told you about it but they hired a new guy to keep the detectives in check. Sergeant Fjord, half-orc. He was part of the navy once, apparently."

Reaching the heart of the office, she calls out to a green-skinned man absorbed in his paperwork, his other hand, unmoving, holding a cup of coffee frozen mid-air. "Hey sarge, got a delivery for ya."

"Delivery?" The man looks up and immediately sets down his papers. "Oh, hiya, you must be Mollymauk."

"Pleasure to finally meet you, Sergeant." Molly reaches his hand out.

Fjord reciprocates the gesture, nodding. "Pleasure's all mine. Welcome to Trostenwald."

\----

"Delivery!" An accented tone chimes, harmonizing with the overzealous ringing of telephones and deafening chatter of people. With the announcement comes a blue tiefling carrying with her two wooden coffee trays that hold a dozen cups each. It's a wonder how she can balance them, let alone carry the twenty four coffee cups without spilling. Following behind her is a halfling woman (or child?) half her size, holding a stack of six boxes secured with rope, to keep them from falling, clumsily making her way around the station. The two go around making rounds from table to table, dropping off their items as they list off names.

Molly watches the display, amused, until they call out for Beau, who's stuck on Molly-sitting duty (much to her disdain). "Here!"

The girl skips towards their direction and meets eyes with Molly. Gasping, she rushes to their desk and takes the empty seat next to him. "Omygod!! Hi! I'm Jester!" Her hooded partner, who he's pretty sure is a goblin, works around her, handing Beau a box and reaching over Jester's tray to grab a coffee.

He greets his fellow tiefing with a smile. "Mollymauk Tealeaf, Molly to my friends. I just transferred to this precinct. Pleased to make your acquaintance, darling."

Jester squeals. "You know, there aren't many tieflings around this part of the Empire. Also you're very, very pretty! Almost as pretty as my mom, who's like the prettiest, most beautiful woman in the whole world." She goes on but, remembering her companion, stops to introduce the small creature. "Oh, yeah! This is my friend and co-worker, Nott!"

Nott nods and rumages inside a small pouch attached to her hip. She pulls out a small business card and hands it to Molly, who examines it closely. Neatly curled cursive letters form a word foreign to Molly's own colorful vocabulary.  _ Katzenpoof? Katzenpoft?  _ The word twists and turns in his mind, undecipherable. He decides to give up and admires the scribbled face of a cat next to the establishment's name, which he assumes is their logo.

"We both work at The Katzenpfote Café!" Nott croaks with pride.  _ Ah.  _ Molly takes note of the (butchered) German pronunciation. "We offer delivery service with additional coin, and since the employees of the force are too busy to wait in line at the shop, we deliver orders here daily."

Bea suddenly lets out a satisfied sigh from beside him as she bites into her brandished croissant. "Fuuuck."

Molly cocks an eyebrow at her delight. "You act as if this is the first time you've eaten this."

"Fuck you."

"I'd rather not with you, darling. You're not exactly my type."

Beau flips him off and he laughs, turning to ignore her. "So, Jester, do you make the baked goods there?"

Jester's eyes widen in excitement. "How did you know?!"

"You could say it's detective's wit." He winks and he can feel Beau roll her eyes beside him.

"No. It's 'cause you have flour on your hair." She brushes off the white powder from Jester's azure curls. Molly retorts, holding up his index finger as if he were trying to make a solid point in this debate. "Which only a detective could pinpoint so fast."

"Sure, Molly."

"How about you, Nott? Do you help out in baking too?" Molly shifts his attention to the goblin, who shakes her head. "Nope, just deliver and take care of the cats and Caleb."

This piques Molly's curiosity, interest running up his spine. "Cats?" He purrs questioningly, the  _ “Caleb?” _ lingering in his mind.

"Ooh! Yeah! We forgot the most important part! Katzenpfote is also a bookstore, bakery and cat café!" Jester buzzes.

A sound of awe escapes Molly. "That's adorable."

"It is! It's really, really cute! Our kitties are super duper soft and nice too! You should come visit!— Oh! But we also have a designated area for allergic people, just in case! 'Cause, you know, we're super cool." Jester nods matter-of-factly. "We also have tea and bear claws! You know the ones from Nicodranas are soooo much better than the boring ones from the Empire. You should try it! Wait-" She digs out a paper bag from her satchel and shoves it into Molly’s hands. "Here! These are the ones we sell at the shop. I made them myself. They’re some extra ones Caleb said I could take so you should totally have them.” 

“Well, I’m not one to shy away from a free bear claw or two.” He grins. “Thank you, dear.” He puts a hand on her shoulder and secretly slips a few dollar bills into her open satchel as he pulls it away.

The gesture earns him a giggle from Jester. “No problem! Well, we better get going before our stinky boss destroys the kitchen.”

"Hey! He's not stinky, he just smells... earthy." Nott mumbles, ignoring the other side comment. Something rings in her pouch. “What-” Opening her phone, she's sent into a panic. "Shit! Jester, we gotta go!" She pulls Jester with urgency. The tiefling lets her do so as she shouts a "see you later".

Molly and Beau watch as they disappear. "Well, that was... wild." Molly leans on his palm, grinning at Beau.

"Well, that's how they normally are." She dusts off the crumbs on her hands, wiping them on her pants. Standing up, she lifts up a heavy pile of papers and sets them down in front of Molly. Watching Beau (unsanitarily) lick at her croissant residue-covered fingers, Molly looks at her in confusion.

"Paperwork." She states after examining her pinky. "Don't look at me, okay? Fjord said to put you on report duty after lunch break, which just ended, so good luck with that, bud." With that, she strides away.

He opens the paper bag Jester gave him and shoves a strongly cinnamon-smelling bear claw into his mouth as he looks over the pile. "Fuck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe everything's a little too fast-paced, I'm not entirely sure. 
> 
> I hope you're enjoying it so far though! Leave comments about what you thought! Comments and kudos feed my procrastinating soul motivation.


	2. Katzenpfote Café

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Caduceus visits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (technically still chapter 2 but REVISED!)
> 
> I have little to no hint of German in my blood so please forgive me!
> 
> Also "katzenpfote" means "cat's paw" haha

Blinds, halfway shut, make way for the warm light of the sun to peek at the small potted cacti that it greets routinely. Dimly bright lamps take space next to second-hand, cushioned seats to make up for the lack of enough sunlight and bright bulbs that would naturally light up the space. A hush passes by once in a while. If not for the silent noise of rumbling purrs that envelop the place, Caleb thinks the silence would’ve long etched itself into the cafés walls. The morning rush’s bustle, in its wake, leaves behind life; seen in carpets stained in different flavors of coffee, the yawns of cats from a morning’s worth of petting, and tattered copies of books tossed and turned over by hands of new and familiar guests to the establishment. A sort-of buzz lingers in the air in those postrush hours, and Caleb relishes in it on his lonesome.

A soft mrrp settles beside Caleb on the counter, his cat stealing him away from his thoughts. A grin makes its way onto his face as he strokes underneath Frumpkin’s chin. The cat meows and jumps onto Caleb’s shoulders, appearing as a scarf while nestling into him. “You have had a good rest, ja?” Frumpkin mutedly purrs in response, nuzzling against Caleb. 

“Was ist los?” Caleb questions when Frumpkin pauses from rubbing his kitty fur all over him. The cat averts his attention to the windows, chittering as he does. Caleb raises an eyebrow at the fae creature and follows his gaze. Watching at what little he can see from the blinds-covered window, a flash of pink in the form of a familiar braid passes through.

Chimes ring against each other as the front door opens. “Good morning, Mr. Caleb.” Caduceus greets as gently as he entered, contrast to how hunkering of a figure he was. A chorus of mewls welcome the tall firbolg just before Caleb, who bites down a chuckle at the felines’ enthusiasm, does. “Herr Clay.” 

“Ah.” Caduceus gasps as a cluster of cats swarm around him. He makes an effort to address each one, kneeling and giving out his customary neck scratches and ear rubs.

“Oh, uh, the tea you brought the other week was, ah, lovely. Danke.” Caleb manages. 

The firbolg grins up at him, “It was certainly my pleasure. Nila and I thoroughly enjoyed it.”. Back to his normal height, Caduceus finds a raven black cat clinging onto his shoulder. The nimble thing jumps its way on top of his head and decides to make it his perch.

“Vax’ildan.” The maine coon just grumbles in reply to Caleb’s disaproval and dissatisfied face.

“Have it your way.” Caleb sighs and lowers his gaze to Caduceus. “So, what would you like?”

“Just the usual, please. Along with some of Jester’s bear claws.” The man’s floppy ears twitch and perk as he orders.

\---  
“How silly of me, I almost forgot.” Caduceus starts after taking a sip of his tea.

He sweeps a hand around his head and brings his braid forward. Along with his gingerly intertwined pink locks were a decor of flowers, dried under the sun, laced into it. The flowers did not necessarily grow together naturally in the wild, Caleb observed. However, with careful craftsmanship, the dried buds (which Caleb had concluded to be daisies, peonies and an assortment of wildflowers) looked to have grown under their own circumstances from the firbolg’s blush hair; as if the locks were naturally the plants’ environment. “Nila made them. Aren’t they wonderful?”

“Ja.” Caleb nods, admiring the craft of flowers and grass put together. He even reaches out and brushes his fingers against the petals unconsciously. He pulls back immediately when he comes to it. “Entschuldigung.”

Caduceus shakes his head, “It’s alright.”, and beams as he continues. “She also wanted to give you some.”

He hands Caleb a small pouch made of twine. “Here.”

“Ah.” Caleb hesitates, pressing the bag to his chest. “Danke.”

He nods to himself, not sure what course of action people normally took in receiving gifts. Caduceus, however, seemed extremely satisfied with the gesture and takes a minute sip of his tea, smiling sheepishly.

\---

Caleb pockets the present and disappears into the back kitchen, retrieving a batch of warm Nicodranas bear claws (Jester emphasizes the importance of adding “Nicodranas” due to the frustrating difference between the “bland” ones in the Empire) as he makes his way back. Each one is frosted on top with dark chocolate icing, and the paws on the claw shown with the lighter shade of milk chocolate icing. He places them in the display rack as per Jester's instructions— "Be mindful of the aesthetic." she'd scolded him.

After arranging the displays, Caleb settles on brewing the new tea leaves Caduceus had left him earlier and reading through the newly delivered books before he puts them in the shelf as he does.

The chimes ring loudly as he's wiping at mugs. "Calebbbbbb!!!" The cats meow in sync with the beaming blue tiefling. "Jester."

"Oh, Caleb! You won't believe it! I saw a really pretty tiefling today! They were superrrr nice and superrrr amazing!" She gushes.

He hums. "I'll take your word for it." He paused from cleaning cups. "So, ah, how were deliveries? You are very early today."

"Obviously great as always. Although- OH! Bryce just ordered 5 cups of Haus Blend and 6 Frumpkin Spice Lattes!"

The chimes clang even more than before, making way for a sputtering Nott. "-AND A BATCH OF CHOCOLATE MEOW-SE!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I revised this chapter and made it a little longer— AND! I'm posting the next chapter this week :>
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! Kudos and feedback feed my procrastinating soul motivation. Please do tell me what you think!


	3. An Invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there. so turns out I'm a clown and this took way longer than it should've. I crammed for an art convention + life happened, as it does for everyone. I had to cram like 20 drawings to sell as prints and stickers and almost went insane. I also had requirements pile up because of that and went into a downward spiral then exams happened and I lost my shit (part two).
> 
> But I'm here now! Since we'll be on lockdown until april, guess I'll just write while I lock myself in my hermit hole watching over my (dad's) cacti and succulent garden.
> 
> side note: I find it funny that I personally don't like cops (in my country) but here I am writing about them (also all my cop knowledge is based on b99, and by that I mean what I can gather from blots of memory from the show my goldfish brain can provide me)

"Let's celebrate." Fjord pats Molly on his shoulder at lunch.

The tiefling's brows knit together. The orc continues after biting into his sandwich. "You survived the first week. Think that's an achievement in itself."

"Thank Moonweaver," Molly sighs to himself. "Now I won't have to strangle Beau at the end of this shift." He clasps his hands together, looking up at the ceiling, which earns him a kick to his chair and a middle finger from the devil herself. "Beau. Yer gonna get another warning." Fjord calls out from his desk.

Thankfully, Jester and Nott enter the building before the two officers start throwing hands, bringing with them a fluffy stranger. “Beauregard?” Nott’s scruffy voice calls. “Here!” The cat next to Nott whips its head towards their direction, holding a coffee tray in its mouth, and starts pattering towards their direction, the little bell in his collar jingling as it walks. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Molly gasps in disbelief at the sight.

 “That’s too fucking adorable.” He pets its head as it passes by. The cat stands on its hind legs as Beau reaches for her cup, not losing its balance in the slightest. “Thanks, Frumpkin.” Beau smiles at the cat.  _ It’s name is Frumpkin, holy shit _ . Molly swoons at its cuteness. “Hey, Molly!” Jester’s voice trills as she walks up to him. “Here’s your bear claws. Frumpkin has your Meow-chiatto.” 

Frumpkin pads up to him and stands again. He picks up his cup and scoops up the cat. “Is he yours?” Molly asks as he lets the tabby sniff at his fingers.

“Nope,” the blue tiefling shakes her head. “He’s Caleb’s! You know, the cafe owner.” Molly nods and feels his heart squeeze when Frumpkin bumps his head against his hand. He hasn’t had the time to drop by the cafe yet with all the paperwork and cases piled up. Plus the fact that Nott and Jester regularly delivered in the morning, there was never much reason to go. “Frumpkin usually stays in the cafe with Caleb but we figured we may need a helping hand in delivery today so Caleb said we should bring him.”

“Fjord?” Nott calls out again.

“He-” Before the sergeant can finish his answer, a sneeze takes over him. 

“Oops.” Jester winces. Fjord recovers and covers his nose, he scans the room and his eyes land on Molly. The half orc sighs. “Sorry, Fjord!” Jester bites her lip. 

“‘S fine.”  Fjord replies, voice muffled by a tissue. 

_ Ah.  _ Molly puts two and two together as he feels Frumpkin purr against him. “Well, since our delivery is done, and before Fjord goes into a sneezing fit, we’ll be on our way.” Nott says after dropping off a paper bag on Fjord’s desk. Molly sets down the cat on the floor, begrudgingly, and pauses. “Ah! Before you leave! Would you two like to join us later? We’re celebrating my first week here, and since you two have been such dears, I’d like to invite you to join us.” He smiles.

Jester squeals. “Yes! Omygod, yes!”

“Will there be booze?” Nott tries to raise an eyebrow but fails in her attempt to keep the other one down, both eyebrows raising.

Molly grins cheerfully. “Absolutely.”

 

\- - - -

“We’re backkk!”

Frumpkin jumps on the counter and onto Caleb, returning to being his purring, fluffy scarf. “It seems like you enjoyed your journey.” The man hums, showering his cat with scritches.

“Mhm, Frumpkin made a lot of friends today.” Jester giggles, setting down the coffee trays behind the counter. “Speaking of friends! Remember the new tiefling in town I was talking about?”

“Ah, the one that is, uh, working at the station, ja?” Caleb asks as if Jester hasn’t been gushing about this new friend of hers.

“Yes! Well, they’re celebrating his first week in Trostenwald and he invited me and Nott to go and you’re invited as well!” 

“I’m, ah, not too sure about that.” Caleb buries his fingers in Frumpkin’s fur. “We don’t have to go, Caleb, don’t worry.” Nott reassures him as she sits down on one of the chairs behind the counter. “Ah- that’s not-” Caleb breathes. “You should both go, schatz. I’ll stay behind. It’s just… just one of those days.”

Nott’s face crumples at his response, and the initial frown he got from Jester morphs into concern. “We’ll just stay here with you. We can play Animal Crossing, watch Tusk Love and swoon over Oskar while we paint each other’s nails.” Jester smiles and nods as a matter-of-factly. He feels not internally protest at watching Tusk Love for possible the thousandth time but he doesn’t comment on it and merely shakes his head, letting out a minute laugh. Caleb ruffles both Nott and Jester’s hair. “Both of you are worrying about me too much. I will be fine. I am capable of taking care of the shop by myself. Not to mention, today has been of slow pace so everything will be all right.” He assures them.

Nott breathes in and is about to reply but Caleb cuts her off. “No ‘buts’. Just this once? Okay?” He looks at her pleadingly. 

“Alright.” She accepts her defeat, receiving a small smile from her boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one is incredibly short BUT I'll make it up to all of you in the next one (which you should definitely watch out for)! + NOT MAKING PROMISES but I may have it out this week or the next.
> 
> Thank you for your patience and I hope you all liked it!!
> 
> Kudos and feedback feed my procrastinating soul motivation. So please do tell me what you think!


End file.
